Dating Tips for the Dead
Meeting new people online can be a fantastic, fun experience. Of foremost concern, however, is safety, because meeting strangers can also be dangerous. If you're alive.
Thank goodness you're not, eh? What's the worst a psycho could do to you? You can't come to any bodily harm, because you don't have a body! Hurray for being dead! Am I right?
What this means is, no matter how chancy a potential hookup might seem, you have absolutely nothing to worry about! Take that, the living!
By now you've learned that your fellow phantoms come from many eras; some may be hundreds of years old, or more! This means that cultural standards will vary widely; what may have been taboo in your generation might be the norm in the one a few generations from now.
It would be impossible to list the details of every culture throughout all time, but there are some behaviors that are universally approved -- and others that are universally disliked. Here's a quick primer.
- Ask questions. Get to know your date. How did he or she die? What was it like to stand over their own lifeless corpse? Did they see a light at the end of a tunnel, and if so, why didn't they go towards it? You may find you have a lot in common.
- Compliment your date. Are they looking ghastly? Particularly eldritch? Be sure to let them know!
- Don't kiss on the first date. Don't kiss ever, in fact, because your faces just pass through each other, and it's really weird for both parties.
- Don't be offended if they suddenly disappear. You should know as well as anyone that existence in this twilight realm can be inconsistent. If your date vanishes, don't be too quick to judge.
Worried what your loved ones you left behind might think of your new dating life? Don't! They're probably far more worried what you think of their lives, which, in fact, are probably disgraceful. If you go check on them right now, odds are (at least with the current generation) that they're just sitting in front of a computer screen, surfing the internet. You could probably stand right behind them, breath cold air down their necks, and they'd hardly notice.
Life after death doesn't have to be just endless nights of roaming around, clanking ethereal chains, moaning about vengeance. As they say in the current generation, get a life! Or as we prefer to say, get an afterlife!